I'm no Julia Child, but...

I dunno what it is about a home cooked meal, made from scratch.

Maybe it's the home part of it. When you make something at home, you can't help but put it into your subconscious memory box. Ice cream tastes a little sweeter, when you make it yourself.

Or maybe it's the from scratch idea. When you make something yourself, there's this sense of satisfaction. It's seriously gratifying to know that you made something. And what's even better is when it actually tastes good!

Being an incredibly nostalgic person, who loves any excuse for a self esteem boost, I've gotten into this crazy cooking phase of life. I can't help it. I get bored, and I get hungry and then I think "Oh man, banana nut muffins sound so good".

I can't help it. I've made so many different types of bread. I've made muffins, and brownies, and cakes, and cookies. And they've all turned out deliciously amazing! I can't even describe how good my deviled eggs have gotten.

But now I'm moving onto bigger and better things. Home made fettuccine Alfredo. Home made noodles, home made sauce. Home made garlic bread. I think it's going to be...an adventure. But, who knows. Maybe, like all  my other cooking adventures, it'll turn out shockingly delicious.

Ciao, loves.

If I could write a letter to Me

Recently, I was...prompted to write a letter to myself. Heather did it for school. And I realized it must be fairly theraputic. Obviously, I can't give this to myself. Obviously, there's no going back to help myself. But, it was theraputic. This is what I'd say.

Hello, Lynz.

            I’d ask how you’re doing, but I already know. I know how you’ve been, how you are, and how you’re going to be. I know every bit of it. And I’m here to give you guidance; to comfort you and to help you.

            Things are about to get…really bad. I know, you’re elated right now. You’re on cloud nine. And nothing could possibly bring you down. But I assure, something will bring you down. And it is going to be destructive. You’re not going to know what to do.

            You’re going to think the world has left you. Your heart will be ripped out, stomped on, torn apart, spit on, and left in pieces. You will never feel so alone in your entire life. You’re going to feel empty. I can’t even begin to describe the emptiness and desperation that is about to take hold of you.

            It’s okay for you to feel this way. That’s the most important thing I could possibly tell you. You’re justified in feeling this way. People won’t understand. They’ll judge you, call you crazy, and leave you to your own. And that will make it worse. But it’s important to know that you are allowed to feel this way. You love so deeply, so wholly, and so passionately. As such, you’re allowed, and justified, in feeling this way. Never, ever, apologize for feeling this way.

            You’re going to need help. Real, professional help. Take the help. Don’t fight it. Don’t feel bad. This help is good for you. It will help you. You need to learn to talk about these things.

            Don’t let this define you. Yes, this will make you who you are. This will change you forever. But don’t let it be who you are. How you are, yes. Who you are, no. This will help you to become a better person. This will help you to be who you are.

            Don’t be an idiot. You know better. You’re a smart kid. But, you’re going to consider doing some stupid things. I know it’s hard to have self-worth. I know it’s hard to think you’re beautiful and amazing when you feel so worthless and insignificant. But, Lynz, NEVER accept anyone who treats you badly. I don’t care if you feel like you deserve to be treated that way. Wait for the man who knows how to treat you. He’ll come. Don’t settle for garbage.

            Making all of these mistakes and choices will make you who you are. Learn from the things you do. They’ll be incredibly beneficial to you. You’ll find what makes you truly happy. You’ll find your strength. Never forget it. Never lose it. It is crucial to your happiness.

            There will be a few people that want to help you through this. These people will keep you alive. They’ll keep you sane and happy. Let them in. Let them help. And one day, a guy will come along. And he’ll make you deliriously happy. It’s going to be hard for you to let him in. It’s still hard me, or us, to let him in right now. But it’s going to make you happy.

            I’m not going to give you any answers. Because that takes away from life. You’ll figure it out on your own. Be careful. Be smart. Love yourself.

I wrote this as if no one would ever read it.

I'm one of those people that's a little difficult. Everything about me is difficult. From the way I act around other people to the way I sabotage relationships, I'm difficult. My attitude is almost always negative. I'm confusing and confused all the time. I have an anxiety disorder. I can't think straight. I can never stay on one topic for long. I don't really like people. I'm just difficult. If you know me, I'm difficult. It took me a while to admit that I'm difficult and to realize that's why people don't like me. It also took me a while to realize that you can't stop being difficult over night. It's difficult to stop being difficult. Someone that likes a challenge is the person for me.

I've been waiting for a very long time for someone to take on this challenge. I've yearned for the person that looks at me and sees all the good and forgets about all the difficult. The person that sees all the bad and realizes that those things make up all the good in me. I've just been waiting. And it hit me today that I already have that person. A person I can physically touch and see with my own eyes. A person that gets me.

meet heather

she's my best friend.

she gets me.

It's a little difficult for me to write this post. Heather would understand. I don't do well with affection. I don't particularly enjoy showing affection. Nor am I really comfortable with affection. Quality time tells me that someone cares. Not compliments and reminders. But, nonetheless, it's about time that I admit this.

Heather Moss is my best friend. She's the most gracious person I've ever met. She's understanding. She's smart. She's pretty. Quite genuinely, she is probably the best friend that I've ever had. We don't fight. We unspokenly disagree. She is always there for me 100% of the time. She tells me what I want to hear when I want to hear it. And she tells me what I need to hear when I need to hear it. She sees things in me that I, nor most others, see. She thinks I'm this awesome person. When in all actuality, she's usually just describing herself. She is, inside and out, one of the most beautiful people you'll meet. She radiates with sunshine. She lets me be difficult.

It took us a very long time to become friends. I did not like her, because I don't like anyone. And she didn't like me, because I'm difficult. I thought she cried too much. I'm not entirely sure what she thought of me. I'm sure it wasn't as great as she'd tell you that I am today. But, despite the length of time it took for God to give her to me, I'd wait a thousand more years if I had to. Even if I could only have one day of her friendship and I had to wait twenty years, I'd do it. God gave her to me at exactly the right time. I think he knew how badly I would need her, and she would believe she needed me. When I couldn't do anything right, and everything was going wrong, I had Heather. When nothing made sense and I didn't know anything, she helped me to know she was there. I'll stand by her till the day I die if she wants. She's incredible. And I'm going to miss her dearly whenever we eventually separate. But distance won't affect us, I don't think. I don't think anything could phase Heather's friendship, thank goodness.

Because she is, truly, my best friend.

Meet Abigail: My SHOCKING Cousin

Meet Abigail, my 3 year old cousin.

She's super cute and super funny and my favorite Abigail ever. We have tons of fun times together. John helps her excersize on the Wii (Just Dance). We go out to eat lunch a lot because she looooves chicken and pancakes. She's the youngest of five and she's super awesome.

And these are Abby's bobby pins.

And this is the socket that Abigail shoved her bobby pins into.

You probably think I'm kidding, or a horrible baby sitter. But I'm not.

I had just gotten home from school and was about to take Abigail to lunch with my mom. I had to finish up some homework first, so I was finishing up in the office. Suddenly, BOOOOOOM. Power's out. And I think "Huh, maybe another transformer blew." Because they blow up on my street all the stinkin' time! And that's when I hear the uncontrollable screaming from Abigail. Of course my Mom, Dad, Heather and I all go running to see what happened. That's when we discovered the bobby pins sticking out of the socket and Abigail sitting on the floor.

I wish I had gotten a picture of the pins in the wall, but I was trying to cheer up the baby. Apparently an electric shock is not something she's too fond of. Nevertheless, she now tells everyong "I'm electric!" And that, my friends, is how we get this.

My dear, sweet Abigal with a burned up hand from her bobby pin fiasco!

BYUI

Dear Lyndzie:

Congratulations! We are pleased to offer you admission to Brigham Young University-Idaho. Rich blessings and life-changing opportunities await you here.

The next step in your admissions process will be to determine your track assignment. BYU-Idaho operates on the Three Track System, comprised of three equal semesters: spring, fall, and winter. Each BYU-Idaho student is assigned a track which consists of two of these semesters.

STEP 1: Visit, web.byui.edu/admissions/questionnaire/, and complete the track questionnaire. Please complete this questionnaire within one week of receiving this letter.

STEP 2: You will be notified of your track assignment by mail within 4-6 weeks of submitting your questionnaire.

The Three-Track System allows BYU-Idaho to admit thousands of students every year that would otherwise be denied due to lack of space and resources. Track assignments are made to create a balanced student body in which students and employees can benefit from a diverse, varied, and distinctive learning environment. Visit, www.byui.edu/admissions/tracksystem.htm, for more information about the Three Track System.

Once again, congratulations on your acceptance to BYU-Idaho! We look forward to having you on our campus and feel that you will be an asset to this university.

Sincerely,

Admissions Committee
Brigham Young University-Idaho Admissions Office

PEACE OUT FLORIDA!

Be.Are.Eye.Ayy.In!

My big brother is home!

And this picture entirely embodies that moment for me.

Fleeting moment, because just like that he was gone.

But, it was a very good moment. Despite the illness and hospital visit that day.

One way or another, he is finally home...

My big brother is home!

Arise, O Glorious Zion

Thru painful tribulation
We walk the narrow road
And battle with temptation
To gain the blest abode.
But patient, firm endurance,
With glory in our view,
The spirits bright assurance
Will bring us conq'rors thru.
 

- Arise, O Glorious Zion

Speaks for itself.

Anything edited is emphasized how I read it. You may read it differently.

"In a world where everyone is granted agency, some of

our loved ones may stray for a season. But we can never give up. We must always go back for them—we must never stop trying." - b.d.foster

To those of you who never gave up, never stopped trying, and came back for me, I thank you.